Friday, June 19, 2015

To my amazing supporters

I really wanted to make this post for the readers, blogs, and to anyone that has helped/shared/liked anything of mine for the past couple of days.
I am beyond overwhelmed with how much you guys have helped me get to this point in the indie world. There is no way I could express how much I am grateful and appreciate everything you guys have done. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever get this far when I first started. That was 6 months ago and now, I am over 1,000 likes.
It's all because of you!
I have so much to thank you guys for and I hope everyone knows how much I love you guys for it. I had posted the giveaway on my author page and within just a few hours, I hit my goal. I had no idea it would jump that high just in likes so fast. I cannot thank you guys enough for that. Without you I wouldn't be here.
For a long time I have wanted to write. For the longest time I doubted myself, thinking that I wasn't good enough, that people wouldn't like what I wanted to write about. But now, I am so glad I had my sister-in-law pushing me to go for it. For me to finish and reach my dream. And now, I am so glad I listened. I am glad I pushed my insecurities aside and went for it. I never had high expectations for becoming an author. I honestly didn't know if my books would even sale. Now, I am floored with all the likes and friend requests. I love this part of being an author. Connecting with all of you and knowing more about you, makes me want to continue to write. You make it so easy for me to stay motivated.
I just want you guys to know I really appreciate all that you do. I wish I could meet each and everyone of you just to say "Thank You". Thank you, thank you, thank you guys soooooo much!

So, as a way to say my thanks even more....I have decided to post some on the second book to the Worshipped Series.
Betrayed coming July 2015



When people say, “Those you love, and trust the most, hurt you more than you think possible,” they are not lying. I trusted a man that I thought I knew. I also gave him my heart. Like a fool I was, I had believed him. Had believed in him. Looking back now, I should’ve known better. I should’ve done something…..
Now it’s too late. I’m in way to deep to turn back now. He controls everything. Every move I make he watches me. I feel his eyes on me everywhere. I can feel his sexual desires with that smoldering look. Truthfully, I like that look. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help that my body knows his. It’s like being pulled into a fire, knowing you will get burned. I did my best to stay away….I tried to run. But now…now everything has changed.
I try not to think of the things I’ve seen him do. I try to ignore the blood on his clothes and hands. I know the darkness that pulls him. One look into those dark brown eyes and I knew. I chose to ignore my gut instinct telling me to stay away. I don’t understand what is wrong with me. He has changed me somehow.
I feel broken, trapped, not knowing what I should do, or which choice to make. My life was not perfect before, but it was damn near it. I had my own clinic. I was the best OBGYN in Southern California. I had my best friend, Riley, and my parents. He took me from everything.
I think back to the night I met him, before Jake’s Bar was burned to the ground. I still wasn’t sure who caused that. The police still didn’t know if it was an accident, or if it was arson. I saw him as soon as I walked in. As if he knew I would be there, he turned toward me, with a shocked look. At first, I didn’t pay him any mind. I thought he was like every other guy in the bar, trying to get laid for the night. I was still surprised he even bothered to come up to me.
“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked. I gave him an innocent smile, nodding my head yes. What girl wouldn’t want a hot guy buying drinks? He seemed nice, and holy hell he was good looking. Even though he was sitting I could tell he would be tall. Dark hair fell over his forehead, making my fingers itch to touch it. His eyes, oh, those eyes, I could get lost into those deep dark brown eyes. When we locked gazes, I felt my heart start to race and how I felt that invisible pull to be near him was overwhelming. I assumed he either worked out a lot or he did some sort of hard labor work. His black shirt was tight around his biceps and around his chest. I don’t know if he noticed me checking him out, but I definitely liked what I saw. I had thoughts of us together, doing things that I normally never think of. I am not a prude, but I have never reacted to a man this way before. Then I noticed a little bit of a tattoo showing on his arm, and I was curious to know what it was. The urge to know more about him was something new to me altogether.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I took a look around the bar while he got us drinks. I was surprised to see Cammie there, and more surprised at that she wasn’t alone. Good for her. I was glad Riley hadn’t fully turned her off from meeting new people. I gave her a friendly wave, and turned back to the bar. I was glad the bar wasn’t overly crowded. Granted it was a weekday, but it was nice not to be filled with grabby men and their horrible pick up lines.
“Thanks for the drink,” I told him as he set my beer in front of me. He didn’t say anything in return. He took a long drink of his beer, and seemed to be thinking of what to say. I’ve been told I was hot, but I didn’t think I was intimidating. He swallowed a few more times and turned to me. I waited patiently for him to say whatever he had to say. When he just stared, I raised an eyebrow. “What? Cat got your tongue?” I teased. I was never the one to sugar coat anything. If I had something to say, good or bad, I would say it. My parents always told me I was born without a filter.
 I got a smirk for that, and he said, “This wasn’t what I was expecting.” He said as he leaned in closer to me. I had no idea what he meant.
 “How so? You normally don’t buy random strangers a drink?” I retort back, trying not to think of how sexy and husky his voice sounded.
“No, that’s not what I meant….Ah…” he cleared his throat and asked, “What’s your name?”
 “Karen. And you are?”
 I realized “Josh” wasn’t much of a talker. I took a drink of my beer and asked, “What do you do for a living Josh?”
A woman walking by laughing with her lover brought me back to the present. I sighed, wishing I could somehow go back to that night. Or would I? I still wasn’t sure if I would change anything that happened that night. The moment Josh had bought me that damn beer my life was changed before I even realized it.
 I lay back on my beach towel and try to forget where I am and whom I am with. Yes now things are different, but I can still feel him watching me. I close my eyes listening to the waves and try to forget everything for once. But forgetting has a price, and apparently, I don’t have enough money in the world to forget.

“Let go of me you son of a bitch!” I scream at him. I try fighting him, but he is much stronger than I am. Josh grabs me by the arm, dragging me to the car, and I don’t want to go with him. I thought I was being taken home, but when we stop at his home and he comes out with a bag, I panic. All I know is something is happening with Riley, Isaac, and Conner, and Josh went all cave man on me. I don’t like this. Okay I like the alpha male thing he has going on, but I have a bad feeling about leaving with him. He stands me next to the car, and I think he starts to sense my panic. He grabs both of my arms and makes me sit inside the car. The way he looks at me, so hard and demanding, makes me instantly stop fighting him. I have seen that look before, and every single time, it scares me, but I know I cannot go with him. This is not right.
 “I swear to god I will kick you in the nuts so hard if you don’t let me go!” I scream at him as he slowly backs way. Josh has the nerve to smile at me! He is being a real asshole! I try once more to get past him, but he is bigger and a lot stronger than I am. Against my efforts, I am pushed back into the car. He locks me in, and walks around to the driver’s side of the car. He gets behind the wheel and slams the door shut. He sits still for a moment trying to regain his composure. I can see how tense he is as he grips the stirring wheel until his knuckles turn white. His breathing is coming out in pants and he closes his eyes almost as if he is looking for some sort of inner calm.
I know Josh is different from any other man I have been with before. He is more dominant and to put it nicely, he scares the shit out of me sometimes. I know he is fighting his own demons, and I also know he has done some bad shit before he met me. Of course I have to find out strictly from my instincts. Josh never would open up to me about anything from his past. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not.
Josh turns to me and I can tell whatever is going on is really bad. I have never seen that look before. He looks desperate. For what I don’t have a clue. “I’m so sorry Karen. This isn’t the way it is supposed to go. I’m sorry”, he tells me over and over.
 “Josh, what the fuck are you talking about? Now is not the time for secrets and for you to be vague. Tell me what’s going on.”
 I think for just a second he is going to spill for once. Then I feel the needle go into my arm. I look at him hoping he sees my confusion and anger for what he’s done to me. I have no idea what he injected me with. When he starts to look blurry, my guess is he used some sort of sleeping drug. As I fade out, I can hear him say, “I’m sorry. And please forgive me.”
I wake up hours later feeling groggy and I feel like my mouth is jammed full of cotton balls. My muscles ache, and my head is pounding. My thoughts are foggy and I have no idea why I cannot remember anything before this moment. I don’t know where I am. I groan and I feel a hand touch my face. I immediately jump away, not knowing who the fuck is touching me. I slowly open my eyes and I see Josh sitting beside me looking worried. At first I don’t understand why he looks so worried and…..sad maybe? He quickly masks his emotions from me. Out of nowhere, it all came back to me. Josh throwing me over his shoulder and making me leave Riley’s house; him dragging me into the car and my personal favorite, him stabbing me with that fucking needle and drugging me. I sit up, and instantly regret that. I want to yell and hit him for doing this to me. I can’t understand why he is doing this?
I give him the evil eye as I ask, “Can I at least have a glass of water?” He nods and leaves to go get the glass for me. While he is gone I look around to see where the fuck I am. It is so hot and humid even though we are inside a cheap motel. At least I think it’s a cheap motel. It smells like dirty feet and the walls seriously need to be repainted. The TV looks like the one my grandparents had. It still has bunny ears on the top. At least there are two beds. Not that I want to sleep in them. The bedding looks worn and needs to be bleached down. I don’t even want to see what the bathroom looks like. God I need to get out of here.
Josh soon returns with my glass of water and I take it from him without a word. He doesn’t deserve a thank you. I watch him as I drink the entire glass. He stares right back at me, almost taunting me. What is he thinking? I can never tell. His moods change faster than I can think sometimes. Like right now. He watches as I finish the water and I swear he looks proud. These drugs are having a weird effect on me. I sit the glass down and sit up straighter. I have a feeling we are about to have a huge fight, but I am not backing down.
“I need you to tell me what the hell is going on. I need answers and you will tell me,” I say with the most demanding voice I can muster. Yes I am blunt and straight to the point, but I am always a coward when push comes to shove. Josh thinks my demanding questions are funny. He chuckles that damn sexy husky kind of chuckle, and he moves right in front of me.
 Our noses are almost touching as he says, “You are to never demand anything of me again. I will tell you when I am good and damn ready to. You will do as you’re told. We wouldn’t want anything happening to that pretty little ass now would we?”
 Shit. I can’t help it. I cringe and back away from him. I’ve seen him like this only a hand full of times, and when I did, I was scared of him. Scared he wouldn’t see reason, or lose control and actually hurt me. I don’t know if I can get through to him like this. There has to be some way for me to get him to talk.
He is still inches away from my face, and I can smell his musky male sent. His breath is hot, and smells sort of like cinnamon. He needs to step out of my personal space, but I don’t want to be the first to move any more than I already have. I feel this is some sort of test….Is he waiting to see if I will move away first? I can’t help myself, I move first and damnit, he looks pleased with that. I lower my head, not wanting to meet his intense gaze. My face flushes and I know it is red. Fuck me, I don’t understand why I am embarrassed, but I am. I don’t like the way he makes me feel. My body, on the other hand, loves this side of him. We’ve had sex before, but he always seemed to keep his dominant side in check. It was never like this before. He is being more intimidating, and the way my body is reacting to him, scares the shit out of me.
Josh puts his hand on my chin, making me look at him. His dark brown eyes gaze into mine, and I can feel his need for me. I know he is trying not to lose control, and I try not to look away. Using his thumb, he rubs my chin, sending chills all over my body. I know he cares for me, at least I think he does, but I still don’t understand why he took me away from everything. I want him to confide in me, but I don’t want to push him. I learned the hard way before all this shit went down, not to push Josh into anything.
 Josh trails his hand down my face a few times before going to the back of my neck. He grabs me, hard enough to get my full attention, and pulls me forcefully to him. He is breathing hard, as he says, “Do not push me again. Next time I will not be so nice about putting you in your place. Now, I want you to take a shower and we will eat. Then I will decide to tell you what you are doing here.” He lets me go with a little shove, and I rush into the bathroom. I shut the door, and thank the heavens there is a lock.
I put my back to the door, trying not to cry. This is so unlike me. I am not this person. I am stronger than this. I do not run away and cry behind closed doors. Hell I don’t ever cry. I haven’t cried in a very long time. So why do I feel the need to do so now? This man is so confusing!
 God help me, I don’t know what has come over Josh, or over me. He has never grabbed me like that before. No one has ever put their hands on me the way Josh has. I am shocked, but I don’t know what I am more shocked of. Is it the way he acted, or is it the fact that I liked it? I am so ashamed of myself for feeling turned on by that. I shouldn’t feel the need to come, or the way my nipples are begging for attention as well. I want to scream. I know if I hadn’t been with him before I wouldn’t feel this way. Or that’s what I am trying to convince myself.  I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts. I need a plan and I need it fast. I have to get out of here before either Josh seriously hurts me or I give into whatever he thinks is going to happen. I don’t trust him anymore not to hurt me. Hell, the way my body is betraying me, I barely trust myself.  
Before my life was turned upside down by this, I wanted to trust him. But deep down I knew I couldn’t. I knew there was something different about him and I am glad I trusted myself not to give my full trust. I even thought I loved him. Maybe I still do, but now, God I don’t know how to feel. This isn’t normal. Shit like this does not happen in the real world. In my romance books yes, but this isn’t real. He is trying to break me. Little does he know, it takes a lot to break me down.

I watch Karen run to the bathroom as if the room caught fire. I don’t want to scare her, but fuck me, I needed to show her who was in control. It has been to long going without letting my darkness out, and now it wants Karen. I held out, doing everything I knew to do in the past few months that we’d been together, but I didn’t have that release anymore. There is only so much running a treadmill in the ground and punching the hell out of a punching bag can do for a man like me. This is all Karen’s fault. If she wasn’t so goddamn sexy and mouthwatering, I probably could have more control. I know she doesn’t realize how much her pretty little ass begs for me to have my hand print on it. Or her hot lips on my hard cock.
I need to leave before I break down that fucking door to the bathroom, and fuck her hard like I really want. I really have no idea how I manage not to hurt her already. I get up and grab the keys to the piece of shit car I have. I shut the door, and hope to God Karen dosen’t get any bright ideas and decides to leave. She has no clue we are in Texas and I know she will get lost in this part of town. I chose it for a reason. No one looks twice at someone like me, or calls the cops when they hear screaming, or a gunshot. Plus I am running low on money and I need to grab more from Frankie soon.
 I get into the car, wishing it isn’t summer time. It is hotter than hell right now, and the damn AC in the car decided to take a shit half way here. That thought makes me regret having to drug Karen. I didn’t want to do it that way, but she gave me no choice. I saw in her eyes she wouldn’t leave her friend. I understood why she didn’t want to leave Riley, but I couldn’t let Dominic get to Karen.
That of course, was the plan all along.
The night I met her at that bar, I had not expected the curvy and fucking hot as hell blonde that walked in. My mission was to have a way in to learn more of what Isaac and Conner were up to. As soon as I saw her, my dick went fucking crazy. I literally had a hard on for her the whole night we talked. I honestly didn’t know she was even going to show that night. Funny how fate can be a bitch at times. In a way I think I saved Karen from a very painful death. The plans Dominic had for her, I couldn’t even start to think about that. It brings out every demon I battle every day and makes me think of Rachel. I shove all those thoughts away and get back to the task at hand. I need to meet Frankie to get my money, and then grab food. I have to do all this fast. I have a feeling Karen might run on me.
I pull my cell out of my pants and dial up Frankie.
 “Yo. What you need my man?”
“I need to set up a meet. Running low on funds, and I know you still owe me. Meet me in twenty and we will make the exchange.”
 I hang up, not waiting for his yes. That little fucker has no choice. I took a lot of shit for saving his ass, and for covering for him when a drug deal went sour a few years back. One thing about this business I’ve learned is to always call in favors.
I drive to the spot were all deals go down in this part of town. It isn’t much, the damn neighborhood is run down, and it looks like a ghost town. Hell I think the only people who lived here are the druggies to strung out to get anything better for themselves and the hookers. I pull up by an alley, and get out the car. I an early, but I can’t sit in the car in this heat.
I pop the trunk and get out my 9mm. I make sure it was loaded and put it in the back of my pants. Another thing I have learned over the years is to always be prepared. Never can tell when some asshole will try and shoot your ass for whatever you have going down. I choose to hide my gun because I don’t want to scare Frankie off. I just want my fucking money. I lean by the car and cross my arms. I don’t want to sit and wait. Because damnit, every time I have a free second I am thinking about Karen. I have no idea why she means so much to me. I don’t love her. A man like me can’t love another person. But fuck me, she is more than I expected. I love how short her hair is. I love that button nose and those luscious lips. She has nice tits, more than enough for my hands. And God that fucking ass of hers. I can’t wait till I can leave my hand print on it. I want her ass nice and red for me and only me. I shouldn’t have handled her so roughly earlier, but hell, she was demanding shit from me, and that shit I couldn’t let happen. She needed to know I was in control and she was to do what I said. No questions asked.
I shift my weight and have to adjust myself. Never fails, all I have to do is see or think about Karen and I am ready to fuck. Yeah I know, every guy is the same and yeah I used to use other women the same way I wanted Karen, but she was different somehow. I haven’t figured that part out yet. I feel a pang of guilt wash over me. Thinking of her again. Rachel.
 I didn’t feel the same way about her as I do Karen. I wanted to care about Rachel that way, but for some reason, I just couldn’t. Fucking hell. I stop all those thoughts from surfacing. No way can I be in control thinking about the fucking past.
I am pleased when I see Frankie’s ford ranger pull up right on time. He gets out, looking around as if he is about to get jumped. Good. Little shit needs to stay on high alert right now. I have no idea if Dominic knows if I left town with Karen or not. I am hoping for the latter. That will definitely buy me some time to get my shit together. And hopefully get Karen on board. If not, I have a plan B.
 I meet Frankie in the middle of our vehicles and tell him what I need. I hadn’t thought he would come prepared, but I was very glad when he comes back from his truck with the 50k I need. I have a feeling I wasn’t going to be the only person coming into Texas. I can tell that Frankie is a little nervous about this exchange.
“What is it Frankie?”
“It’s nothing man. I just wonder what you need so much money for.”
“It’s nothing to concern yourself with. Just know if I call you for anything else, you will be ready. Got it?”
“Yeah man. You know if you’re in some sort of trouble I have your back. Call anytime.”
I nod my head at Frankie, my way of telling him I will do just that if need be. I take one more look at him, thinking he has grown up a lot since the last time we did a job together and I turn to leave.
I stop by a local grocery store right by the motel and I grab a few things I think we might need for a few nights. I don’t plan on staying at one place for more than a few nights in case anyone tries to follow me. I don’t know if I want to take Karen to Mexico yet, but I hope she will be more willing with time. Maybe if I tell her what is going on she would want to go.
If I do tell her some of the things I have done, I will have to be straight up with her. Totally honest about it all. Don’t think she would fall for my shit, but I know she at least needs to know my damn name isn’t Josh. I hate when she calls me that.
As I make my way down the aisle in the grocery store, I’m not picky with the items I grab and put into my cart. I don’t fight the surge of pride that courses through me as I stand in line to pay for the items I picked up. Providing for my woman. The thought makes my cock twitch and I start to tap my foot impatiently waiting for the lady in front of me to finish paying. Whether Karen knows she is mine or not, isn’t the point. She will soon know who she belongs too. Finally I am able pay for the items and I notice the cashier hasn’t looked up at me once. This is good. If for some reason the authorities question her, she won’t have a clue what I look like. That makes it easier for Karen and I to disappear. I walk back outside and my forehead starts to sweat. I wipe it off with my shoulder on my shirt. I open the car door, and I have to step back feeling the heat coming out of it. I get in, and wish my seats weren’t leather. My ass is on fire, and I can barely touch the steering wheel to drive off. I suck it up, knowing I need to leave and get back to the motel. Yes I realize the motel I chose is a dump, but like I said before, it was the perfect location at the time. I drive back as quickly as I can. I pull in the lot and I park right by our door. I grab the shit and I pull out the room key. When I walk in, I am expecting to hear the shower still going, or at least see Karen on the bed waiting for me. What I see instead makes me see red.
She fucking ran.
 Knowing she ran from me, makes the darkness inside of me fight and claw its way out. I try to fight it back down, but fuck, the urge to let go and let it out is stronger. Somehow, I manage to regain some sort of control. I have to be in full and complete control to be able to think.

Goddamnit! I wasn’t gone more than thirty minutes. I toss the bags down and I walk back outside. There is no way she could’ve gotten far. I figure she only has about ten or fifteen minutes ahead of me, and she doesn’t know where we are. I hope some poor asshole doesn’t give her a ride, because I am in no mood to let anyone walk away untouched.
I couldn’t tell you why I went right instead of left when I pull out of the motel’s parking lot. I am going on pure instinct, and something is telling me to go right. I drive around for a good twenty minutes before I see her. She is walking on the side of the road, trying to flag down someone to give her a ride. A black sedan pulls up beside her, and she gets inside that damn car. Why would she get inside a strangers vehicle is beyond me. Does she not realize that stranger can take her anywhere and do anything they want? I might be a monster, but there are still worse monsters out there.
 I am seeing red still, and I take a deep breath, trying to make myself calm down enough to follow them. I notice the car isn’t going to the highway, but instead is taking Karen to a bad part of town. I have a bad feeling. This part of town is the worst part. And fuck, being a monster myself, it is telling me that this guy is just as bad as I am.
 I make sure my 9mm is loaded, and I turn off the safety. When the car pulls in front of a crack house, I know why that bastard brings her here. There is a mark on the side of the house and I know all too well what that sign means. Karen, I am sure, is freaking out by now. The sedan parks and I jump out of my car in a flash.
The driver doesn’t even see me coming to his side of the car. I take him by surprise when I jerk him out of the car. The asshole think he can wiggle his way out of my grasp, but I refuse to let him go. The things I know he would do to Karen just adds fuel to my rage. I hear her run to me, telling me to stop hitting him, to stop what I am doing. I have no control over my actions at this point. The monster within has broken free and it will not stop until it’s finished.
 Again I blame Karen for this fucking mess. I turn my gun to the bleeding bastard, and not even thinking twice of it, and I pull the trigger. I leave him with four bullet holes in his chest. I have to make sure he is dead. I can’t risk him living, and telling anyone about Karen and me. I turn to Karen, and the look I see on her face instantly makes me regret killing him in front of her. Her screams send chills down my spine.
The chills don’t come from how horrified she is of me. Or how disgusted she is. It’s from the kill. From standing over a man’s lifeless body and feeling that rush of power run through my veins. The rush I get from taking someone else’s life is unlike anything. Fuck, it’s almost as good as sex.
A part of me knows I should not be feeling this way after taking someone’s life. I tell myself over and over that I will stop and I will never do it again, but the truth is, I crave the next time after I kill. It is my darkness. It feeds off the power and all the intense feelings I have after. I have no idea if I can ever stop being this way.

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